So, the summer holidays are fast approaching and for many separated and divorced parents, the difficulties of holiday planning begin. In this article, I share my tips for planning the summer holidays to help ensure this process as smooth and conflict-free as possible. As always, the key to smooth holiday planning as a divorced family is going to be advance planning and early communication. Here are the top three things to keep in mind in preparing for the summer.
Photo by Limor Zellermayer on Unsplash
Have An Agreed Holiday Schedule
Here’s another example of the importance of having a clearly-defined parenting plan or Child Arrangement Order. Taking the time to discuss a clear and agreed-upon parenting schedule is the key to avoiding many post-divorce conflicts. While it is not required to have such a plan in order to divorce in the UK, there is no over-stating how useful it can be to have things as clearly spelled out as can be. It means that you are not having ongoing negotiations with your ex ahead of every single holiday, because you have an agreed plan that clearly stipulates who has the children when.
There are many apps out there, such as Our Family Wizard, that allow co-parents to document the parenting schedule in a single place and manage handovers in a structured manner. But even without leveraging technology, parents will benefit from making sure everyone is aware of each other’s holiday dates with the children many months ahead of time. This will avoid incidents such as one parent getting the dates wrong or booking a holiday at the wrong time. Having this type of calendar defined ahead of time does not mean that things are set in stone and that you cannot be flexible. However, it sets a baseline upon which everyone can rely as a default arrangement, including the children.
There will be times when dates need to be flexed to accommodate train or flight schedules, or special occasions. Your priority should remain ensuring that the children have the best holiday experience possible. If this means you have to see them from the Saturday to the Saturday instead of the Friday to the Friday, ask yourself whether the change truly matters or whether you are refusing out of principle. Delaying your handover might have little impact for you but allow your children to be present for their grandmother’s birthday, or to have an extra day at the beach!
Plan And Align Early To Make Sure Your Plans Are Well-Coordinated
Even if you are not usually an early planner, you might have to reconsider your modus operandi after divorce. By planning your holidays well in advance, you will both be able to compare plans before making any reservations or commitments. It will also give you enough time to get permission from the other parent if you are planning on taking the children out of the country, and to provide them with the necessary information to put them at ease. You’ll need to make sure the other parent is aware of where you are going to be, what your travel arrangements will be and how they will be able to reach the children. Early planning will also give you plenty of time to obtain written permission for international travel and provide the travelling parent with the passports.
Agree Handover Times And Locations
Another big advantage of planning and communicating plans with your ex ahead of time is that it will allow you to optimise handovers depending on where you are each going. For example, if you are both going to be in neighbouring countries, there is probably no need for you to take the children back home for the other parent to collect them there. You might be able to meet half-way or somewhere that makes sense to everybody.
The main objective is not to save each other trouble but to minimise travel time and backs and forths for the children. You will want to carefully consider the best location for handovers if they are not happening at your home or holiday residence. In general, it is best to avoid handovers at airports or at petrol stations along the motorway as this leads to very transactional transfers which can be emotionally disturbing for the children. Once again, be prepared to be flexible as handovers might not be possible at the exact time specified in your parenting plan or CAO due to transportation schedules or other uncontrollable factors. Once again, early planning will be essential to avoid these types of issues and ensure things go as smoothly as possible for the children.
While holiday planning might turn into a logistical jigsaw, there are many things you can do to avoid them turning into a cause of conflict with your ex. Remember that the main objective of going on holidays is to relax and to build magical memories with your children. Keeping them at the centre of your plans should remain your guiding principle, no matter how much negotiating needs to happen with your ex behind the scenes.
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